I’ll be honest and raw here. Week 2 has been hell. From chatting with people personally and not judging from fluffed-up Facebook posts, week 2 seems to be when the crap hits the fan and you wonder “what the heck did I get myself into??” The doubts have crept in, I am having to fight the strong urge to panic.
The reason? Rialto fusion is a cutting-edge miracle fusion compared to the others currently available. Yes, I am able to walk unassisted since 3 days post-op. Yes, I can sit Indian-style on the floor. But this is where the ugly word “expectations” comes in. Despite this being a minimally invasive, 30-minute surgery…this is still MAJOR surgery and I seemed to have forgotten that until now. I foolishly expected to be able to go back to work the second week. I expected to have the ability to run by 6 weeks but would wisely choose not to. Dumb, I know, but you don’t really realize what your true expectations are until you’re hit with the Reality Slap Stick. Fetty-Wap! Upside the head.
I sat at my computer desk for a few hours trying to get some writing in and various online errands I needed to complete and I was like “I got this!” No problems. Until I got up. I felt like I had a sharp knife stabbing into my joint with every slight turn or step and my now-usual limp became a holding-onto-the-walls crawl. For like two days. I totally understand what they mean by one step forward, two back, etc. I pay when I overdo it. I sent an email to my doctor explaining what happened and if that was normal and he told me I was a spaz. He’s right.
Make sure your surgeons “gets” you. I need a doctor who will tell me I’m a spaz to remind me I’m an idiot for thinking I can sit for hours upright in a chair and not hurt. Or that this will be easy. [pullquote align=”left” cite=”” link=”” color=”” class=”” size=””]This fusion ain’t for sissies.[/pullquote]
Now my left si joint (non-fused side) is starting to kill me. I can’t tell if it’s the actual joint or the muscle, but either way I’m having trouble sleeping because the left side of my body is compensating for this terrible limp I have and it’s not. happy.
So I am here. Fighting panic. Fighting the anger that I shouldn’t have done this (even though I had no other options left). Trying to remind myself that this is extremely temporary in comparison to the rest of my life, NORMAL, and I need to let go of those pesky expectations and go with it. I’m eternally grateful for the online friends I’ve made who are a few or several steps ahead in this recovery process who keep telling me it’s normal, I’m doing good, just hang in there.
Tomorrow will be better, it usually is after a “bad pain” day. Will probably help when my refill for pain medication shows up in the mail and I can think somewhat clearly again without pain sparks lighting up my vision – physical AND spiritual.
If you are planning on fusion anytime soon, please remember this: Regardless of which fusion method you choose (and please, please choose wisely!!), it’s still screws or rods drilled into your bones. You have no freaking idea what your recovery will look like. You are at the mercy of the Recovery Beast. So plan for it… and know that Week 2 is probably the hump of all humps on your way to total healing.
But we’ll get there.
P.S. “Baby that butt!” as my online friend says.
************************************
Follow the rest of my SI Joint Dysfunction journey here.
Join the Rialto Talk Facebook group to learn more about Rialto.
Ahhh, great post, my friend. You speak the truth. And, that’s a great thing. Hang in there. It WILL get better. YOU will get there!!! Love you.
Yikes! We hear so many miracle stories online and I too am thinking oh yeah I’ll be working by the second week, maybe not…. Hang in there, you need to remember like me you had no other options left. June 17th is coming quick and I’m scared out of my every living mind but can’t do this much longer. My left SI has been hurting all week and it’s always just been my right side. Now I’m thinking should I hold off and see if I need both done! Spazing right beside you girlfriend!
Hey Trish, I’ve been kinda radio silent lately, both on my blog and on FB; I’m moving on Tuesday and still trying to pack and get ready. But I wanted to jump in here and offer a shot of support: you’re going to be okay. You are the go-getter or all go-getters. You’re not fooling around with this thing we call life. How do I know this? Because if you spot it, you’ve got it (i.e. I am the same way.) In one sense it’s such a gift! But it can really be a liability when we can’t throw on the cape and fly. I am four months post op. And I’ve been doing quite well, though as you know I wouldn’t say I’m ever 100% pain-free. I had the biggest setback yet this week. In my last PT appointment, the therapist was getting pretty deep in to my hind side, and kept asking, “Is this okay? Should I back off?” I kept saying, “no, it’s okay.” At the time it felt pretty good, though I knew she was doing some major stuff. Then I woke up the next day (yesterday.) And WOW. Back up to a 7 or 8 on the pain scale. Hard day. I kept beating myself over the head with, “Laura, of all the times to do aggressive myofascial release, this was possibly the worst. Especially on the area where you had surgery. You are MOVING in five days. You have to PACK!” This morning I”m a little better, but still having burning in my hamstring and aching in my hip/butt. I’m eating the NSAIDS like crazy. I know it will pass; I just got too aggressive on trying to heal (if a LITTLE myofascial release is good, a LOT is better, right?) It’s that whole go-getter thing. To be fair to my therapist, she was more concerned than I was at the time, and kept going ONLY because I told her it was fine.
Something to keep in mind: pain meds are great, and it’s clearly not the time for you to be trying to get off of them. But in one sense they’re false advertising. They make you feel like you’re able to do more than you should, and when you don’t have them, you get the true snapshot of where you are in your recovery. And here’s where you are in your recovery: EARLY. Also, I’ve heard that the body can only perceive pain in increments. I’m sure there’s some compensating going on, but it’s also possible that your right side was SO noisy, that the left could never get a word in edgewise. And now it’s all, “time for my song!” Adopt the mantra: “Easy Does It.” If you think you can go 10 steps, go nine. If you think you can sit for two hours, sit for one. You may have to distract yourself over the next few weeks. Get hooked on a Netflix series. Pick up a super compelling book. Go through all those family pictures you’ve been meaning to sort. Anything to keep you from watching and waiting for the water to boil. Hang in there and absolutely refuse to give in to fear and regret. Goodness and mercy is going to follow you all the days of your life. Surgery or no surgery. Period.
Ah!! You have no idea how much I needed to hear that this morning. Thank you! You’ve been very inspirational in all of this for me. And you’re probably right, I think my left side couldn’t get a word in edgewise. Time will tell. I want to fly now, lol! Thank you, my friend. And go easy on the butt.
I’ve read these posts at least 3 times before, but now I’m reading them again post op. Yesterday I had the KNIFE feeling when standing up. Then again when bending over a little to far. I’ve been kicking myself all day feeling like I “messed it up”. Reading your post again has me in tears. Again, thank you for sharing your experiences, they are just what I needed to read right now.
Girl, you got this! Totally normal! Wish I had a blog to read when I was going through, so please keep writing YOUR blog. We need more experiences out there. So proud of you.